My grandma was a really great person. She left her mark where ever she went, in some way or another and she will be missed. I loved my grandma, sadly my memories of her seem to fade away with every day and I wish more than anything I had more of them to hang onto, but I don't, she's gone, and that's about as final as it gets. Grandma and I had our arguments, she hated my clothes and I hated that she hated my clothes. Now it all seems exceedingly trivial and a disgusting waste of time. Those last few days were definitely the best. She seemed like she was at peace with the fact that she was going to die. I don't know which was more scary, that she was going to die or that she didn't seem to care. It's so weird to walk past her room and, having forgotten, suddenly realize that she isn't sitting in her chair watching those house remodeling show things or reading a romance novel with way more romance than novel. The really odd thing though is the fact that I can do nothing about it. There is no other option except to pick yourself up and come to terms with the nonexistence of something that has always been a part of your life. I don't want to, but it seems like I already have in a way. For a while it was just cry, cry, cry then no more. There wasn't any real epiphany or any kind of revelation at all, I just couldn't cry anymore, it was over. I had reached the peak and now it was time for the falling action. What really makes me sad no mater where I am or what I'm doing is that it took her death for me to realize just how great a person she was and that truly is something to cry about.
(Photo below by: Sara Wise)
I think coming to terms with death of a loved one is why we have religions with after-lifes. That helps the living come to terms with the finality of the end of one's life. It is comforting to believe that we are not finite and that something of us continues beyond our physical shells....
ReplyDeleteTo each of us, may comfort find itself represented in the way that is most meaningful.
Dad
babe that was absolutly beautiful. your grandmother would be so proud if she could read it. I'm really sorry that havent taken time to read this more. i take you and everything you do for granted but reading this and checking out everything else on your blog makes me relize for the second time how wonderful a person you are and how beautifully you mold art and writing into emotion rather than just scribbles on paper. i love you sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteBenjamin
xoxo
This was a beautiful and heartfelt post. Sometimes you don't know how great someone is until they're gone. It helps me to write down my thoughts just as you've done.
ReplyDelete